“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.” — Ansel Adams

Joseph Balson

Lost in a cursed old forest

My old forest is not only golden. It is also cursed. New emotions and feelings just a couple feet away from the golden spots. Same place, different visions.

Unlike technical talk, words don't come easy to me when I want to share feelings, emotions, or what happens in my mind (that is an euphemism). Most of the time they don't come at all.

They say it's because my brain is different. I have a neurodevelopmental disorder, and that made my whole life very, very, VERY complicated and quite unpleasant.

Whatever the reason actually is the fact remains: verbal or written communication, other than sharing technical stuff of factual informations, is really a struggle. But here is photography. I can translate what I can't say into images.

To me, it's often self evident: I see in my photos what I mean to share (at least when I know what I mean to share). What is less self evident is how other people receive and interpret that message.

That is why my old forest is cursed: I have no way to share efficiently what I want to share. Either I just can't put it in words or I can put it in an images but can't be sure the message will be well received.

Still, it is my only way. Even if you don't get my "message", maybe you will feel something, anything, when watching my photos. That is maybe already a good thing. Something is most often better than nothing, and indifference against art is maybe the worst that can happen to a creative mind.

Sometimes, I'm not even totally self aware of what I want to put in my photos. Struggling with interpreting my own feelings and emotion is part of the curse. I just have the urge to put in a photo a very clear mental image, but the meaning of that mental image is unclear to me.

It's just so complicated. It's my cursed old forest.